How to Find Your Dominant Style

How to Find Your Dominant Style

Dominant style is quite a subjective term as it varies for every individual. It’s all about how you present yourself to the world and how your individuality affects the way you engage in kink. Before you find a clear idea of how you’d like to look like, it’s crucial to have an understanding of all possible dominant styles.  

Tips on Selecting Your Dominant Style

  1. Think about what dominance means to you personally.

It can look like an art form, a philosophy, a set of certain skills or a discipline. You can also think about it as a moral or ethical code. Depending on how individuals perceive the term dominance, it affects how they express it stylistically.

  1. What does make BDSM especial to you?

What are you looking for in this BDSM relationship dynamic? How do you want these relationships to look like? Is it monogamy or polygamy? Do you want to find a partner for long-term relationships or is your goal to train others? Which dynamic do you prefer – sexual, romantic? Do you have certain fetishes? Do you want to incorporate particular role-playing? Do you want to establish certain set of rules or a training code?

  1. Select your archetype.

There are many types of doms, including the Daddy, the Mommy, the Police Officer, the Gentleman, the Brat Tamer, the Caring Dom, the Financial Dom, The Owner, the Untouchable Dominatrix and other.  Actually, the list is very long. You may feel already intrigued with hearing some terms, so feel what speaks to you.  Although the archetypes present the general idea of how a particular style may look like, they don’t restrict you with how you must look. Each individual interprets various styles in their own way.

Think about what embodies that style that you identify yourself with. However, be careful with how media represents certain styles. Although you can draw inspiration from them, remember that those fictional characters aren’t dominants in BDSM sense. Try not to mimic their actions but see how they behave in certain scene. Explore how they reflect the sense of control, how they position themselves, how they dress. Use these dominant figures from media as the tools or tips on how you may behave with your submissive and look like.

  1. Learn real-life dominance.

Visit BDSM parties and dungeons to explore how real dominant people conduct themselves in public, what they wear, how they behave with others in a respected way. Especially you should learn when to set the dominant mode on and off. No dominants and femdoms are in 24/7 dominance mode. Learn about people how they act and talk with each other to get an idea of your own behavior. If you don’t have a possibility to attend real-life events, search for inspiration in online kink communities.  Ask questions and learn everything you’re interested in by interacting with kinksters on Internet.

  1. Be open for experiments.

You are not restricted to a few options. Try various styles, explore whether your body feels comfortable in a certain role. Listen to what clicks right to you. You can also find your dominant mentor.

How to Create Your Dominant Style?

Let’s explore how you can create your dominant style.

Physical appearance

This aspect affects both how people see you and how you think about yourself. We all know that appearance and clothing matter a lot. There’s always a different feeling when you wear your cozy pajamas and a suite. Clothes matter when you want to create fantastical vibes or role-play aspects.

You should be honest with yourself in what your dominance is like to feel comfortable. You should wear the clothes what allow you to reflect confidence. Don’t rush to throw everything out of wardrobe. However, try to create a collection of clothes that communicates others what type of dominant you are. Your collection can be limited to just a few items such as leather lingerie or a latex catsuit, however these items will allow you forming your style and particular mindset. Select outfits that work personally for you rather than fit the entire style. You are the dominant, you set the rules and always have an option to incorporate changes for your own comfort.

Manners and Speech

The most crucial aspect in being a dominant figure is your confidence.  Other people should take you seriously. Otherwise, it may be strange to see a person who says they are dominants but their body language really lacks the confidence needed for that role.

When you combine the clothes in which you feel confident with good posture, it immediately works for you, reflecting confidence. In this way, corsets really help enhance your posture and get into a dominant frame of mind.

You can incorporate ropes if you’re a more bondage focused person. Practice good table manners if you’re going to have lunch with others. Don’t forget to say “thank you” to submissives who bring you a glass of water and do other service. If you respect people in vanilla settings it signals that you respect people in general that make them trust you and feel more confident to engage in your scene

Style of Relationship

It’s the most difficult aspect of finding your dominant style because it relies on both what the dominance means to you and what your partner is like. You should consider what your submissive expects from the relationship. You may not find the person who 100% fits your expectations, so leave a space for flexibility. You both should start with a contract, negotiating titles and the frequency of their usage, the terms about the frequency of how often you are going to see each other and what role-plays you engage in.  Again, think whether you’re interested in monogamy or polygamy, sexual or non-sexual relationships.  

Energy in Relationship

Naturally, various styles in BDSM reflect different energy. Think about the atmosphere that you want to have in a BDSM relationship. Do you want your subs to serve you or care about them? Do you want to portray a cozy character or behave in a cold manner? Do you want to keep a distance or maintain a friendly and trustful atmosphere?


We hope our tips will help you find and create your dominant style. Once you figure out all above-mentioned aspects, including how you want to dress, act and what types of relationship you want to have with your submissive, try to codify them into your personal dominant style. Search for inspiration online and offline, become a part of community to learn from others and gain a clear understanding of how you should present yourself in the scene.

Explore our collection of leather and latex clothes to build your personal dominant style.

You may also like our articles about kinks, DDLG relationship, and Owner and Pet relationship.

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