Dom Drop: How to Care for a Dom Who is Suffering From Dom Drop

Dom Drop: How to Care for a Dom Who is Suffering From Dom Drop

Each time when a session of dominance and control is over, many individuals experience a sudden change of emotions. This can be compared to falling from the highest point to the lowest at the high speed, taking from you everything you relied on and your confidence. This situation has its own term, “Dom drop” and is characterized by​​ the physical or emotional exhaustion experienced by a dominant partner. It can go hand in hand with emotional vulnerability, fatigue, guilt, and even a feeling of depression. In this article, we will explore tips on how to care for a Dom who is suffering from Dom Drop.

How Does a Dom Drop look like?

During a BDSM play session, the Dom experiences a wide range of positive emotions, but they all fade away as soon as it ends, leading to a mood shift.

The Dom drop may have a few effects:

  • Physical

The adrenaline and endorphins, which took place when a partner acts out a dominant-submissive scene, decrease at the end of the play. This may lead to depressed feelings, anxiety, sadness, and panic.

  • Emotional

It’s connected with the thought that the society doesn’t understand what the Dom partner likes, or the Dom partner was raised in a strict environment with lots of forbidden rules and experiences tension because of that. These reasons affect how the person thinks about kinky things. The Dom partner enjoys them and does all of them during the role-play but as soon as it’s over they may question themselves about their preferences.

Why a Dom Drop Happens

You can see the changes in Dom immediately when the scene is over, or your Dom can accumulate the feelings and show them some time later. You can’t always know what’s going on in your Dom’s head, and many people don’t have enough courage to talk about it. Although reasons vary from person to person, there are some common reasons why Dom drop happens:

Society's influence

Everything related to BDSM themes is considered unconventional, wrong, and bad by people who have a zero understanding of what this lifestyle truly means. Most people from BDSM community try to separate their normal everyday lives from their sexual desires and kinks. They do it because they fear being rejected and not accepted.  Doms may understand that their desires and kinks are the expression of their unique sexuality, however, they can still be vulnerable to people’s opinion about them. 


When partners don’t have enough communication, it can lead to misunderstanding and lack of trust. If there was some unpleasant situation in the past, some things the Dom is doing now may bring negative associations, regardless how long ago it happened and how big or small the would was. The accumulated triggers can be so powerful that they can lead to Dom drop.

Dom’s personality

Dominants act as powerful individuals, taking on lots of responsibility for their subs. They are always ready to care, guide, check on and provide love to their subs. However, each scene demands not just caring about the setting or clothing, it rather demands caring about the submissive’s experiences, which can become a really huge burden of responsibility. Those all may lead to burnout and exhaustion.

What Can Submissives Do to Help A Dom Who is Suffering From A Dom Drop?

You can care for a Dom who is experiencing Dom Drop in the following ways:

  1. Don’t ignore the Dom, be attentive.

After a playing session, people may forget about that there’s another person in the room. They may focus on their own needs, such as having a nap or whatever. However, for a Dom, who is experiencing a Dom drop, it’s necessary to feel affection and be sure that everything is okay. Always check on your Doms to see whether they feel well.  Show them some attention and love. Do a shoulder massage, play with a flogger or bring them a glass of water.

  1. Be ready to talk.

Show that you are here for them and ready to listen. Tell the Dom that you had a great time to make them feel confident and free of triggers. Many submissives even forget to thank their partners, however it can really improve things. Dominant partners require this form of validation, and very often it helps them avoid Dom drop. Talk about what you liked, what was the best. Share your experience, as it will boost their confidence in these vulnerable moments.

  1. Provide physical comfort.

Let Dom feel your warm hugs, cuddle with them on the bed after your play, let them enjoy your touch as it can decrease the emotional tension and provide a sense of security. You can also prepare a bath for your Dom, practice deep breathing exercises with your Dom, or turn on relaxing music.

  1. Distract your Dom.

Distraction always functions well, so engage your Dom in activities they enjoy in order to fight their negative feelings. Take your dom for a walk in the park to get some fresh air, visit your favorite café to enjoy a cup of coffee, buy some sweets or a bottle of wine.

  1. Be Patient.

Like submissives, Doms require aftercare. Provide it for a Dom. Talk about what they need after play. They are not always superheroes, they can be too vulnerable. Always be patient, respectful, and attentive after the session is over. Don’t rush the process.  


Dom drop can be a very challenging experience for your dominant partner, however considering our tips, you as a submissive can prevent the Dom drop. With an open communication, attention, physical comfort, distraction and care for your partner, you both can enjoy positive emotions even after the scene is over.

Do you like dominant-submissive relationship and search for BDSM accessories? Check out our collection of restraints, latex and leather clothes.

You may also like our other articles about why people feel shame to talk about BDSM and why people like being forced.

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