Why Do People Feel Shame to Talk About BDSM?

Do you feel like there’s something bad, unnatural and inappropriate in talking about your belonging to BDSM culture or interest in dom/sub relationships? You’re not alone. Many people face the same problem. Let’s explore why people feel shame to talk about BDSM.

Society’s Misconception

The mainstream society sees BDSM as a huge set of taboos, because BDSM practices involve the dynamic between power and surrender, pleasure and pain. The lack of understanding of true sense of BDSM relationships, especially the fact that they are built on mutual consent and trust rather than the desire to hurt and humiliate, make people think about them negatively. The exposure of sensationalized media portrayals have a great impact too, cementing the idea that BDSM is all about abuse and danger. In this way, people who love BDSM might feel unaccepted even before they start talking about their passions.

Cultural Views

People around you may have very conservative views on sexuality. They may believe that sexual practices should be private and adhere to specific norms. BDSM, with its practices of walking a collared sub in the street or public humiliation, falls outside accepted practices. Moreover, people may have certain religious views, according to which non-traditional sexual practices are seen as something sinful, immoral, originated from evil. Having such people around can lead to feelings of guilt and shame for those who like BDSM.

Image Consciousness

Some people are so concerned with the image they project to others that they pay too much attention to what others think of them. They believe that they should maintain a certain perception or reputation to be accepted and loved.  Being engaged in dom/sub relationships, they are afraid of criticisms as the threat to their socially accepted image. However, these people should remember that we all live our lives to experience and learn new things. It’s crucial to keep your social circle healthy, surrounding yourself with people who support you. You must not feel shame for having strange kinks and leading BDSM lifestyle, as long as it doesn’t harm anyone.

Fear of Rejection

As BDSM practices are very unconventional, people may fear being judged and rejected by family, colleges, or even romantic partners for their specific preferences. They keep their passion in a secret, which also means they can’t accept who they are and restrict their natural desires. The fear of negative reactions keep them from open discussion, especially if there’s likelihood of losing respect, status, or a job position.

How To Overcome These Fears?

First, it would be useful to tell your colleges, family or love interest about BDSM lifestyle and kinks a bit more to destroy any myths they have about it. The best way to reduce misconception is understanding of BDSM with all its variety of activities.

You should not stay alone and keep yourself isolated. Find those who love BDSM as much as you do. Search for friends in online and offline BDSM communities. When you have someone who share your interests, regardless of how strange and forbidden they are, you won’t feel so vulnerable in the face of society. 

The human sexuality is diverse. And each individual has the right to express their sexuality in their own way.  If people like being forced, tied or spanked, it doesn’t automatically mean that they are crazy. It only means that this is their way of expressing their sexuality. 

People are full of contradictions. You might be the best worker, shy person or a perfect boyfriend, but at the same time you might feel aroused when seeing sex between people in animal masks, women dresses in leather BDSM sets or scenario with rapist and a victim. These interests don’t make you a bad or dangerous person. You just need to know your boundaries, be aware of how far your partner wants you to go, and accept yourself for who you are.

Conclusion

There are many reasons why people feel shame to talk about BDSM: fear of rejection, judgement, society’s misconceptions, religious views and others. Although it might be inappropriate to talk about your sexual preferences with some people, you don’t need to restrain yourself and reject who you are. By accepting your desires and finding the supportive community of people, sharing your values and styles, you can feel happy and satisfied.

If you’re interested in trying BDSM activities, consider buying some fetish accessories for your play. At our website, you can find a great variety of restraints, leather lingerie, latex clothes, vegan BDSM outfits and clothing in clinic style.

Recently we also published an article about psychological aspect of submission.