Most Common Dom’s Problems and How to Avoid them

There are many common problems that Doms face, which keep them from enjoying the dominant role to the fullest. Especially when it comes to beginners who would like to discover this new facet in their life, however they don’t know where to begin. In this article, we will explore the most common problems the Doms face, and how to avoid them, helping you to become a better dominant.

 

Problem #1: Lack of confidence

Remember that dominance is a skill set that individuals can develop rather than an in-born characteristic. Many people face the situation when they would really like to dominate another person but feel confused about what to do, or even worse, they are afraid of being exposed for not knowing how to execute their dominant role. 

It’s normal if you feel nervous before the scene, because otherwise, you might start flogging the partners immediately and that would increase the risk of hurting them and neglecting their own needs. Overconfidence can be a disadvantage, increasing the risk of appearing aggressive and arrogant in your partner’s eyes.

What can help you stay confident is to know your limits and take on responsibility that you can manage. You may even have a clear picture of what you would like to do and be tempted to execute everything like in your fantasies, however it’s a wrong way. Start slowly with a few things, learn them well, and give yourself time to practice them. Also, educate yourself on the topics you’re curious about, or take online courses to learn more about spanking, flogging, and other types of impact play. 

You don’t need to practice activities on humans right from the start, you can begin with a general impression of how specific gear feels in your hand, how and with what dynamic it can be used, and other things. At this stage of educating yourself, you can discover things that feel really good and those that feel uncomfortable and don’t resonate with you. Knowing how to use specific accessories and with what intensity can really help you feel more confident when you will perform a scene with a partner.

 

Problem #2: Not knowing what to do during the role-play

You may have the scenario and the partner who wants to be your sub, but at some moment you realize that you don’t know what actually you should do. The first thing you should consider is talking to your partner. It may sound tricky, and for this reason, many people prevent themselves from communication, being afraid that asking a partner about their wishes can make them worse dominants.

However, to create a scene, you should have a collaborative approach with the partner. You should know what your sub likes and dislikes, what desires and fantasies they have, what is light and what is hard for them. This communication helps you select several things that resonate with both of you and incorporate them into the scene for mutual fun.

You may also start not with the full scene but with a certain part of it just to practice. The best pacing for learning BDSM is starting slowly, building skills, then using and combining them. Treat first scenes as an opportunity to become a better dominant and later dig deeper into more complex actions.

 

Problem #3: Fearing heavy activities 

Dominants don’t do anything weird with the subs if they don’t agree on that. Dominant-submissive relationships aren’t necessary sadistic. It’s okay if there are things that don’t resonate with you, and you don’t want to try them. This doesn’t make you less dominant. You don’t need to go above your limits if you feel uncomfortable with something. Don’t do it just to make your partner happy. BDSM should be beneficial and comfortable for both of you.

Take your time to analyze what keeps you from trying edgier kinks. Do you lack skills for that, or you fear to be exhausted during extended sessions? Does it have something connected with your feel of shame and mental issues? If you lack skills, then educate yourself. If it’s more about endurance, try to customize the scene to your needs, considering lower efforts with higher rewards.

 

Problem #4: Fearing to feel guilty afterward

It’s one of the huge problems many dominants face. I’s connected with how we were brought up. We were told that it’s bad to hurt people, because it makes us bad persons, etc. Many people bear that idea in mind when stepping into BDSM, fearing to be a bad partner that hurts another person.

To avoid this problem, you should ensure that your actions are welcomed by another person and all your activities are consensual. Within BDSM, the pain is present when both parties involved in the scene want that. That is what distinguishes BDSM activities from one-sided bullying and violence, when people may hurt other people who don’t want to be hurt.

During communication with your partner, you can study the upcoming scene and check whether everything is okay for them. Then, when you are doing some impact on them during the scene, you will be confident that they really want that, and they like that, and thus it doesn’t make you a bad person. You have nothing to be guilty and ashamed for. To reduce the feeling of guilt, remind yourself that everything you do is consensual and don’t go against your own and your partner’s values.

 

Problem #5: Getting trapped in only one specific activity

You may get stuck in the certain activity, which can prevent you from trying other things. It happens when you try a BDSM thing for the first time, and you like it and everyone start associating you with a specific type of dominant, for instance, the one who is good with ropes or wax play, or other thing, and people start coming to you only to engage in this specific activity. Over time, this may result in feeling like it starts to be boring and worn out, not bringing the same emotions as for the first time. But at the same time, you might want to do something like erotic massage but feel restricted because others know you as a rope top.

It’s okay to communicate with people, asking them whether they are interested in other activities that you like to try, despite the specific play they know you for. You can start with a familiar activity and then incorporate a new one.

 

Conclusion

We hope these tips will help you to overcome some fears and deal with the issues that prevent you from enjoying your dominant role.

Recently we have also shared tips on how to introduce BDSM to your partner, so check out this article to grab useful information and make your BDSM relationships more fulfilling.  You may also like our review on the best bondage items and gear to start with if you’re a beginner.

We also invite you to explore a variety of leather lingerie, restraints and latex clothing on our website.